Award Collector Pillows

"Congratulations - you've won the 'Truth in Advertising' award."

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

'This one is for Hide and Seek.'

Many certificates of achievement on the wall.

Ms. Walsh, I'll be unavailable today...I'm spending it with my ego wall.

'Don't be too impressed -- he got it for surrendering.'

'It would be a kindness to tell he HAS won his Duke of Edinburgh Award.'

'First I won the whole ball of wax. Then I got the whole enchilada...'

"I've received another 'Certificate of Appreciation' from the Queen for my hard work: Frankly, I would rather get a cash bonus or a day off..."

'...And here to receive a belated lifetime achievement award.'

'This side is for peacekeeping.'

"Clerical error...I've been awarded an OBOE."

Dog had dog show award for best working dog on his wall.

'Drat - I don't have any more room to enhance my self-esteem.'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

Customer can't find anybody in customer service window which has customer service awards.

"To keep up with the times, I've had them redone as emojis."

"Sir, I'm afraid we can't accept this as a form of identification."

"Congratulations 76, you finally made employee of the month."

"Mine was the top cubicle of the week."

"These are the Oscars of the perspex trophy-making industry."

Zoo Corporation: Award for Solving a Big Pile of Poo Problems

'I saw a lot of action during my time in the conservative party.'

"That's my medal for having the most medals."

"Why, yes it is for gallantry - I didn't use any sick days for an entire year."

That was the first addition to my ego wall. It's my first loaded diaper."

"And I want to thank my boss, the best boss in the whole wide world..."

Cat Show

"I have more underneath."

"This one's for killing on 'Meet the Press'."

Celebrity without a cause

"Ah, here's some good news, Mr. Gormley. It seems you've been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."

This is to certify that the president of the United States of America has awarded HIMSELF the MEDAL OF HONOR

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"That's for not being a cat."