Avocado Avoider Pillows

Jeff had vowed that he would never let another social occasion be ruined by his crippling fear of avocados."

Advocado

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

'Bless this food we are about to receive, all except the broccoli. Bless the apple pie twice.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

Avocado Timeline

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"Mouse? No. They contain cheese and I'm lactose intolerant."

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Now, now...no stealing people's data until you finish your brussels sprouts.'

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'When I'm rich, I'm going to hire a food taster to check for vegetables.'

'Alice are you dating me only because you don't feel like cooking?'

The doctor told my husband to be active, but the only exercise he gets is running around looking for the TV remote.

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

'It's not that I'm stupid. I'm lactose intolerant and on a diet.'

"It's an ugly nose, but at least it gets rid of some broccoli."

The Sedentary Dead.

When avocados go soft

'His electric toothbrush has gone wrong - mind you, he could use the extra exercise.'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."