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"Actually, I'm a singer-songwriter bird."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Do me next."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

Orchestra.

So you're a mocking bird...

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"The Monster Mash wasn't just about having fun. We were protesting Vietnam."

Cafe Momus from La Boheme

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

"Do you know any other songs besides the theme to The Andy Griffin Show?"

"Toi Toi Toi!"

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Bird Torture.

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

'Other dogs howl at the moon, I've trained mine to play Bach.'

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

Bryan Ferry

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

Fossil record player.

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."