Avian Landlord Gifts

Man and boy looking at a birdhouse they have just built. It has a vacancy sign outside it like a motel.

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Shaken not stirred

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Just water for me, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Barman In Love.

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.