Avian Landlord Pillows

Man and boy looking at a birdhouse they have just built. It has a vacancy sign outside it like a motel.

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'No ice.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'No standing while room is in motion.'

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Shaken not stirred

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

Best Before 5th Pint.

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Barman In Love.

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

"Just water for me, please."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'