Avian Decorator Gifts

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Use your imagination.

Painting the Ceiling

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'Come on, you can help me to choose some lovely wallpaper.'

"Ikea for hippies" 1. Flimsig used pallets, old foam 2. Stinkum goat wool 3. Beetup recycled lumber 4. Riskig kerosene lamp 5. Stupor hand blown by Nils 6. Smokum found on beach in Mendocino 7. Woblig 100% driftwood

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

"You're welcome."

"We're looking for something for our panic room."

"Too bright."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

Shelter Cat Nap

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

'This plant which you brought to me from your office snubs all my other plants.'

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"