Avian Assailant Gifts

Cat in a tank...

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Do me next."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Bird Torture.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

Wanted For Bird Watching: Reward

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

'I think he's lonely.'

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.