Avian Assailant Pillows

Cat in a tank...

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Do me next."

Sign in tree from bird "next appearance 3:00 pm"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

So you're a mocking bird...

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Birds reading over woman's shoulder

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

'…and remember - around HERE, ‘talk is CHEEP'.'

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

Bird Torture.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

I no longer migrate. It's easier to just telecommute.

"I don't actually talk, I just mimic sounds."

'There's too many of us... I'm going to start forming a 'W'.'

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

'I think he's lonely.'

"Homosapius amorius... the common lovebirds."

Why would birdie need newspaper?

"Yes, go and play, but be careful, there are a few thermals around: make sure you're not lifted too high..."

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

'It's true what they say: People often look like their pets...'

"We don't observe 'casual Fridays' here."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

Why doesn't birdie go soaring on high like other birds?

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Bird about to dive from diving board into birdbath