Avian Aficionado Gifts

Bird watchers watch each other's bird.

'Eric isn't a big fan of wind farms.'

'It's bird flu, but luckily we've caught it early.'

'Pretend you don't notice him.'

Penny got carpal tunnel, and had to hunt and peck.

'I don't see anything like it in the bird book...maybe it will come back and we can get a closer look at it!'

Parrot: 'Don't put your finger in there, he bites!'

'I'd say your bird is perfectly healthy.'

'Fruits, vegetables, meat, eggs and cooked beans! He gets a better dinner than I do!'

Birds on a wire, "Bernie?...Oh he's gone cable!"

So you're a mocking bird...

'Bred any good rooks lately?'

"Of course I love you-I'm programmed to love you. I'm a goddam lovebird."

'Maybe we should talk to him more, Malcolm.'

'I Egret that I will have to decline.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'OK, that's good.'

Closed for Summer.

"I'll say a word and you say the first word you think of..." "Hello"

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

Bird Sanctuary.

'You reek of crackers.'

"I forgot I was on automatic pilot and crashed into the church steeple!"

Man looking for birds has one on his hat.

"i'm allergic to crackers."

'Have you been overfeeding Oscar again?'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'Why do birds in a nest always agree?'

Say that again and I'll get you stuffed!

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Bird Watching

A prisoner in a jail cell reads on his bunk while his pet bird peers out of its prison-like cage beside him.

"Would you like me to warm up your eggs?"

"We had these twigs flown in from Italy."