Avant-garde Art Lover Gifts

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

101 uses of a dead cat: adjustable stool.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

The Cremaster Cycle

Yoko Ono

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

Samuel Beckett

"Please turn on your cell phones."

'As a hairdresser, I must say you take it a bit far.'

James Joyce

Moderne Auction Today - This end up!

Francis Picabia

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"No sitting on the art, ma'am."

Damien Hirst Cafe

Samuel Beckett

Cover Design for the Savoy (No. 8)

The Big Picture

Ave Atque Vale- Illustrates Beardsley's Translation of Carmen CI of Catullus

A retriever comes back to a hunter with Brancusi's 'Bird in Space'."

Tracey Emin