Avant-garde Aficionado Gifts

"To be honest, nobody wants to buy your paintings... we need a promotional strategy! Cut off your ear in public!"

Henry Moore

The Cremaster Cycle

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

R. Mutt 1917

Aubrey Beardsley's Book-Plate

"If we want to engage with people who haven't yet recognised the value of their union, then we have to think outside the box."

Eric Satie

Arnold Schoenberg

'Isn't that wonderful? We both suffer from intellectual angst!'

Never mind the Bartoks.

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

'Can you tell me the time please?'

"This one is called 'Window of a Car I Flew Over'."

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Cariactures

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

(Camel paintings)

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

Horti-Culture

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Distractions Of The Great

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."