Automotive Journalist Pillows

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

What Hi-fi. What Camera. What Car.

US v.s. Tech Giants

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Today stocks hit a new high, just as global doom and gloom hit a new low."

Car wash / Mouth wash

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

US economy outperforms Europe.

'Nice smile.'

'Today, stocks dropped on the rumor that 'down' is the new 'up'.'

"Apparently it's my fault, somehow, that we have an S.U.V."

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

Jewellers - Show her you love her.

"Yep, she's gonna cost ya—your microprocessor's shot."

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Disoriented while talking on his cell phone, Pat made a series of wrong turns in the unfamiliar office park.

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'But enough about the dollar . . . lets talk about the Chinese Yuan and Indian Rupee . . . '

Damning report claims that CEO's are overpaid for under-performance.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'In a dramatic reversal, economists now believe that leading economic indicators are now lagging economic indicators.'

"In the 30 seconds since this interview began, the Dow has dropped 3 points -- should we be worried?"

Stock Market Downturn