Automotive Journalist Gifts

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

Autos. We can't keep these beauties on the lot! They sell that fast? No, they have defective parking brakes. Consumer Info.

'Take it out on the interstate for about 20 minutes while Luther here tries to figure out where that tapping sound is coming from.'

What Hi-fi. What Camera. What Car.

'Apparently she looks stunning naked'

US v.s. Tech Giants

"Today stocks hit a new high, just as global doom and gloom hit a new low."

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Stocks shot up. . . no one on the committee could understand a word that Bernanke was saying.'

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'In the belief that no news is good news, today's financial report has been cancelled.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

August is corporate earnings restatement season.

How should I know up or down? All I heard was the FT was 74.95.

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

Jeremy Clarkson.

US economy outperforms Europe.

"If all countries are in debt, who's got all the money?"

'Today, stocks dropped on the rumor that 'down' is the new 'up'.'

VW scandal

'Nice smile.'

"Apparently it's my fault, somehow, that we have an S.U.V."

"Yep, she's gonna cost ya—your microprocessor's shot."

Jewellers - Show her you love her.

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Damning report claims that CEO's are overpaid for under-performance.

A Youtube video explained what I've been sensing for years: The auto industry is about to implode. It's going so well. But the average incentive per car is soaring. That means they're trying harder and harder to maintain sales. I saw another video that explains why: More and more people are leasing cars, because the lizard people have put fluoride in the water. Just 'cause one Youtube channel's legit, doesn't mean they all are. NASA's in on it too.

Disoriented while talking on his cell phone, Pat made a series of wrong turns in the unfamiliar office park.

'But enough about the dollar . . . lets talk about the Chinese Yuan and Indian Rupee . . . '

Morgue for Dot Com Stocks

'Today's IPO announcement left market observers Google-eyed.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!