Automobile Whiz Gifts

"Yes, my automatic starter has the technology to start your car as well. I'll show you. Honey! Go start her car!"

The first car accident.

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it.

The Invention of the Wheel

'Now all this stuff will finally begin to pay for itself - here's the formula for transmuting lead into gold.'

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

Man on a unicycle trying to guard credit from nasty 'Bankruptcy'.

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'I need both hands for steering.'

"I'm recommending more video games. I'm worried about his hand eye coordination."

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

'I cam for your obsolete operating system.'

'Hey! -- I invented that, too!', 'It's that nut Al-Gor again.'

'This is just the first step -- next, I invent the Teamsters' Union!'

"This new software is amazing...it can identify potential insurance liabilities long before any risk is even identified..."

A drone laying an egg

First Speeding Fine.

Millipede motorist

"Bangin’ rims. Sears?"

"We have to develop a new way to build our customer base. Antispam software has put a dent in our marketing strategy."

'We need to learn this just incase our calculators or computers are down, right?'

"Maybe we should stop making them on a hill."

Internet Possessed Mind

'Here's your problem. You're using third-generation software but you're a first-generation computer user.'

'It gets me from A to B alright but it won't get me from B back to A!!'

"I'm going to call it zero."

"The last one to The Four Seasons picks up the check."

"I realise children are learning to use computers at an early age, but this is outrageous!"

'Ugh! I TOLD Thak it needed balancing!'

'I invented them yesterday and Junior already has them souped up.'

'I could pop the hood to take a look, but that would break the manufacturer's seal and void your warranty.'

'It's 50c per glass, or 50c per share to invest in my company.'