Automated System Warrior Gifts

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Future garbage truck driver.

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"Ted doesn't test well."

Examiners.

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

'What makes me mad, I was only a couple seats away from all the right answers!'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

'Good luck with your exams' (mountain climbers).

HOMEWORK: It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it!!!

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

"How was your day?"

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

A usual day.

Final Exams Tip

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

"Tell us something we don't know."

What do overcrowded prisons say about defense lawyers?

"'C' isn't EITHER the new 'A'!"

'Yes, Frank. I'm sure you can make two hundred words out of just twenty six letters.'

Truth In Education

'I know I've interviewed for this position last month, but since then I've hired a personal coach. I was thinking maybe a do-over interview.'

"You know you're in trouble when you stop praying for the answers and start begging."

Beat me, kick me, make me do story problems.

Justice for a heckler.

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

Exams