Automated Advisor Gifts

"It was a lot easier to keep up with the Joneses before they replaced their entire workforce with robots."

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Excuse me a moment, whilst I just change hats."

"Just go with the workflow."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

'All I know is that when life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade...is there such a thing as curveballade?'

Half a house is better than none.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."