Adviser Gifts

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'I thought it would be appropriate to have a magician as we went down.'

"This mentoring isn't as easy as I thought."

"Listen, I'm speaking to you not just as your agent, but also as a parasite."

'Most businesses point their CCTV cameras at property they want to protect. . . not at what they want to watch on the webcam...'

'All I know is that when life hands you a lemon, you're supposed to make lemonade...is there such a thing as curveballade?'

'It's okay. These are my key people.'

'Remember your own advice, Dad. 'Think big'.'

'My best advice? Never miss an opportunity to pass water...'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

If at first you don't succeed. . . clutch at whatever you can get!

'Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why.'

"Ooops - I'm afraid that was my beer...wait a second whilst I consult my swearword consultant."

Ethics exam cheater.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

Continuing education.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach a man to fish and you can charge a consulting fee."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

"I'd like to change my major from dental to mental."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"Remember, Man of good Sense not here to do work on your behalf. Man of good Sense only here to help you on strategic level until you wise enough to overcome recession."

"I can definitely give you my two cents, Sir – just let me know how you want it: Bitcoin, Paypal, or Venmo."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

The Canary in the Coal Mine

Teacher has two boxes: "Book Smart" and "Street Smart"

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."