Autocorrect Comedians Pillows

'I turned off autocorrect but I still blame it if someone is offended by something I text to them.'

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

'Very funny!'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"I meant to let Mr. Goldman know I’d be happy to work on Saturday, but I accidentally typed, ‘I hope your house is infested by termites.’"

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"Our greatest fears are confirmed, they've taken waffle fries off the menu."

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

For every dog who gets the window seat, there's Steve, the designated driver.

Memory Foam Mattress.

"It's the inventor of autocorrect and his beloved pet duck."

Great literary festival heckles.

Desert Island Zoom Support Group.

"Always blame your mistakes on autocorrect and watch out for that tree."

'Hey, maybe you need to work on your writing goodlymoreshun.'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

"Thou," not "you"! "Shalt," not "shallow"! "Sayeth," not "sawtooth"! Gah, I'm gonna smite somebody! God's Autocorrect.

What we talk text...How it reads when we hit 'send' without reading it first...

William Tell's Father with Golf Club

"I can..play the..Marx brothers."

'I'm worried about him. He's becoming emotionaly involved with the vacuum cleaner.'

"You're doing it wrong."

'Harlow, perhaps you should go back to SMOKING!'

Dating computers.

'Quick, Lassie, our credit cards are maxed! Get help!'

'We just followed you, you're supposed to have the sat nav system.'

"He stopped watching GB News because they don't provide the subtitles which give him a good laugh on BBC, ITV, and Sky."

"And I'm pretty sure he's seeing another woman."

"Well, this is an awkward purr."

'Don't worry if you fail the spelling test. Nobody spells when they text.'

Sometimes I like to aim for their dogs, just to watch it get awkward.