Spellcheck Comedians Pillows

What we talk text...How it reads when we hit 'send' without reading it first...

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Very funny!'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"You know very well what fish!"

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

spellchecker

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'Are you sure brook is misspelled'

Memory Foam Mattress.

Men, there is no I in team! Seriously. I just got a text from your English professor, so go ahead and fix that in the playbook I handed out. (Pulished originally on March 6, 2010.)

Great literary festival heckles.

Suggestion Box for the Wather.

"No! That's no right! Remember to always use spell check."

'Would you like me to check your coat?'

'Hey, maybe you need to work on your writing goodlymoreshun.'

"I'm hoping my stethoscope is broken."

'First off, there is no 'y' in resume.'

'Has it been spell-checked?'

"You're doing it wrong."

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

"You do realize that without spell check you'd be back in the mailroom."

"My feet were killing me."

'The feedback on the extended opening hours was generally excellent, although some people feel we should provide croissants and coffee in the morning and a little late supper in the evening.'

You win some, you ose some.

Dating computers.

Policeman on phone to car in front: "Please pull over sir, you're moving your mobile phone illegally."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome

'Dude, we told you not to stage dive during the sound check.'

"Your eyebrows have gone viral. Get some tweezers."

Ariadne was shunned by her fellow witches because she had good teeth.

"I'll have whatever I'm hearing being opened in the kitchen."