Auto Parts Store Clerk T-Shirts

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

A Lady Out Shopping.

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

'The old one fell apart.'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'No thanks, just looking.'

'Do you have any duck tape?'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

Mannequin protest

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"