Auto Parts Store Clerk T-Shirts

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

A Lady Out Shopping.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

How much would you take off for cash?

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

'The old one fell apart.'

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"In my experience, cars with hyphens in their names are the best."

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

Mannequin protest

"This plan gives you unlimited talk, hex and data."