Auto Store Clerk T-Shirts

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

A man sitting in the grass reading

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

A Lady Out Shopping.

University Book Store.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'