Auto Store Clerk T-Shirts

"Everybody's a comedian. When I asked the clerk if he had this size bolt, he laughed and asked, 'What are you - some kind of nut?'"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"So...do you have a job now?"

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

A man sitting in the grass reading

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

University Book Store.

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

Science Books. Do you have any books about Lepidoptera? Yes, and would you like to join "The Book of the Moth Club"?

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A Lady Out Shopping.

'You mean that I have to carry them to my car?'

'I'd like to return this shredder.'

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

How much would you take off for cash?

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

The King of Salesmen says 'Why sir, I believe you need a new tie.'