Auto Industry Insider Gifts

Chrysler.

VW scandal

'Around here, Fenwick, we always use the word, 'remember' instead of 'recall'.'

Bailout for General Motors.

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

"This baby gets such horrible miles per gallon, you actually save on gas because nobody can afford to drive it!"

"I hope you don't mind, but I stuck in a little prayer for General Motors."

Supermarket Merge

"Son, you're old enough now to learn about something we call 'compliance'...."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

'Nice smile.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"I've solved our chip shortage."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

'The music business.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

A Youtube video explained what I've been sensing for years: The auto industry is about to implode. It's going so well. But the average incentive per car is soaring. That means they're trying harder and harder to maintain sales. I saw another video that explains why: More and more people are leasing cars, because the lizard people have put fluoride in the water. Just 'cause one Youtube channel's legit, doesn't mean they all are. NASA's in on it too.

"Great work on the annual report, John. It's fact-driven, yet delightfully unencumbered by reality!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

What Hi-fi. What Camera. What Car.

"You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow. . . but I wouldn't recommend it."

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

'Apparently she looks stunning naked'

"Surprisingly, it's not in reverse order."

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

Rally Car with kangaroo attached to the front.

"It's not just the church that needs evangelists. So does big oil."

'This baby can do zero to sixty in four seconds flat!!'

'Offshoring is the future and I'm afraid we've founds a lawyer in Mumbai whose 46% better at being you for half the cost.'

The Kavec Corp - A wholly owned (but nevertheless on good terms with) subsidiary of T4 industries.