Auto Buff Pillows

"Your engine was running amok. We had to call in the authorities."

Demolition Derby.

"When Baldo was 11, I told him he should brush his teeth every day...because car salesmen don't sell lowriders to boys with green teeth."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'What did one flea ask the other?' 'Shall we walk or take the dog?'

"I hear you bought a new classic car."

Wordplay: Gastropod.

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

Men's fragrances...

'This is a nice car Mr...did you have it from new?'

'Hey, buddy, do you mind lending me a hand? I appear to be stuck in this thing.'

Battery Lighthouse

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

"No son of mine is going into entomology."

'...and, of course you get a company car.'

Bees v Wasps

'Those are all highway miles. The previous owner was a pharmaceutical sales rep.'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

'D'you have any salt?'

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"Now calm down Ma'am. If you want to report a murder I'll patch you through to Detective Malone in homicide. This is Sergeant Flanagan....Insecticide!"

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Bill Johnson 1914-2000: Server Timed Out.

'I tell you what: Thank goodness for tomato sauce...'

The tortoise and the hare are in a shoe store trying on shoes in preparation for their race.