Auction Warrior Gifts

'Are you looking at my bid?'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Changing Room Decisions

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"I got the cream, but the bulk of the old lady's estate is going to auction."

House hunting is cruel.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Monster under the bed.

'Actually, I'm here just for the wine and cheese.'

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

"One day, this will all be yours. But right now, I need you down in the warehouse."

'Maybe that will teach you not to buy a manure spreader without seeing it first.'

"Tenth circle. Ladies' shoes."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

The Chinese want to know what capitalism is worth and will we take half for it?

"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, they hit you with algebra."

"I'm off to the sales!"

The cat had figured out how to work Ebay.

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

Bob auctions off his thoughts.

"They're considering order-fulfillment as a new Olympic sport."

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

Rodin's Late Arriver

"Get used to it, Eddie. Stocks below coat basis is the new normal."

Cardinal making bid for painting at auction with roman numerals

Antiques Roadshow or Bust!