Attitude Analyzer Pillows

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

'Listen, Geoffrey ...I know you're a clinical psychologist, but I DON'T have A.D.D. ! You're just incredibly boring.'

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!

'I'm not mad! I'm fuming!'

Glasses half full, half empty, half assed.

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"I think I've found the trouble, Mr. Nadler!"

Road Guilt

"Because you always do that with your fingers."

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

'Your glass is half full!'

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"Is your glass half full with windfall profits, or half empty with a capital gains problem?"

Protests

'Tell me more about your premonition of impending dom, Mr Syms...'

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

'I've had it with your bright, sunny, upbeat...'

"I'm very slow to anger, but then I'm very slow to do everything."

"Well, it's official. The American Dream has become the American Daydream."

I made a resolution to have a more positive attitude, but god knows how long that's gonna last...

'On the contrary, your glass is half full.'

Psychometric tests would weed out 25% of all applicants (medical schools).

Glass Explorters: Half Full and Half Empty.

'Sometimes she's like a wave, sometimes she's like a particle.'