Attention Span Expert Gifts

Welcome to very short attention span.com. Goodbye.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

"Let's get the important stuff out of the way while I'm still paying attention."

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

"It helps me stay focused."

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

Media Whore Raceway.

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'Your attention span is not very long.'

One person's word balloon goes in one ear and out the other of the other person's ears.

'I wonder if they KNOW about each other?'

"Are you listening to me?"

"No! That's no right! Remember to always use spell check."

"Your challenge is to present our complex project to people that have an 11 second attention span."

"In conclusion, J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' is a commentary on the injustices and problems of society, especially pertaining to the isolation of individuals."

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

'Thank you for calling the attention deficit disorder hotline. . . please continue to hold. . .'

"My teacher says to tell you I'm having trouble with my ears. Everything goes in one and out the other."

'It's about your son's low attention span,,,'

"The hardest thing about being a youth pastor is keeping my sermons to 140 characters or less."

"I pretend to pay attention by putting my face in screensaver mode."

Modern Attention Spans

'Create excitement in your life! Paparazzi for hire!'

You Skimmed My Tweet

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

"Doctor, doctor! I'm losing my thingummybob!"

'Demanding attention again, do we?'

Bookworm misses the nuclear explosion behind him.