Attention Span Debunker Gifts

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Let's get the important stuff out of the way while I'm still paying attention."

"It helps me stay focused."

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

One person's word balloon goes in one ear and out the other of the other person's ears.

"Are you listening to me?"

Another myth dispelled.

"Your challenge is to present our complex project to people that have an 11 second attention span."

'So you've forgotten something - it happens to us all...'

Nobody takes me seriously.

"In conclusion, J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' is a commentary on the injustices and problems of society, especially pertaining to the isolation of individuals."

"I assure you that you don't have Alzheimer's because you paid my fee last week."

'Thank you for calling the attention deficit disorder hotline. . . please continue to hold. . .'

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"My teacher says to tell you I'm having trouble with my ears. Everything goes in one and out the other."

'It's about your son's low attention span,,,'

"The hardest thing about being a youth pastor is keeping my sermons to 140 characters or less."

"I pretend to pay attention by putting my face in screensaver mode."

'We're famous for something. It's on the tip of my tongue.'

A blank board game labelled "Monotony"

Modern Attention Spans

Welcome to very short attention span.com. Goodbye.

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

You Skimmed My Tweet

"I have a tattoo on the back of my neck, since I can't see it, I've forgotten what it is."

Bookworm misses the nuclear explosion behind him.

I sold my Meta stock. Already? I had an epiphany: They don't make anything. Their profits depend on my generation thinking it's cool to post on their sites. And you realized your generation is fickle and has no attention span. I signed up for Google+ this morning. then I got bored of that and signed up for Google-.