Attention Span Analyst Gifts

"Are you listening to me?"

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

"My System 1 tells me she's articulate, capable, shrewd. My System 2 says BIMBO."

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

"It helps me stay focused."

"Let's get the important stuff out of the way while I'm still paying attention."

"He's so well behaved I'm really worried, doctor."

"People are crazy."

Media Whore Raceway.

"You have a remarkable lack of curiosity about your co-workers."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

Freudian vs Behavior therapist.

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

'Your attention span is not very long.'

" ... and here's where you took vacation."

Respect Zone: 'We respect yobs.'

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.

One person's word balloon goes in one ear and out the other of the other person's ears.

"We assumed they were raised by wolves, but I'm beginning to believe they were raised by stray dogs."k Upload

"I agree, it's a real worry. We may have to consider limiting her screen time."

Sigmund Freud

Baby on ultrasound scan gazes at mobile phone

"Today the American public at long last O.D.'d on Pee-wee Herman, briefly settled its attention on Bruce Willis, then finally decided to embrace an all-new, revitalized, state-of-the-art Richard Nixon."

Silent Body Language