Attention Span Enthusiast Gifts

'Thank you for calling the attention deficit disorder hotline. . . please continue to hold. . .'

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

'He has a very open mind. Everything goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Are you one of these youngsters who has a very short attention span?"

"Let's get the important stuff out of the way while I'm still paying attention."

"It helps me stay focused."

Media Whore Raceway.

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

One person's word balloon goes in one ear and out the other of the other person's ears.

"Are you listening to me?"

"I need a hug."

"Your challenge is to present our complex project to people that have an 11 second attention span."

Nobody takes me seriously.

School for the Blind and School for the Inattentive.

"In conclusion, J.D. Salinger's 'The Catcher in the Rye' is a commentary on the injustices and problems of society, especially pertaining to the isolation of individuals."

"My teacher says to tell you I'm having trouble with my ears. Everything goes in one and out the other."

'It's about your son's low attention span,,,'

"The hardest thing about being a youth pastor is keeping my sermons to 140 characters or less."

"I pretend to pay attention by putting my face in screensaver mode."

"Sir, Hagstrom is craving some attention again. Shall we email him the canteen menu and mark it 'URGENT'?"

'Create excitement in your life! Paparazzi for hire!'

"I'd give up all that social media in exchange for continuous applause."

Modern Attention Spans

You Skimmed My Tweet

"How many years do I think you have left? Fiscal or Healthwise?"

Welcome to very short attention span.com. Goodbye.

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

"Are you ok, dear? You haven't posted a 'Look At Me' photo on Facebook all day."

'Can we blame this on a sinkhole?'

'Demanding attention again, do we?'