Attention Diverter Gifts

'I know the fire's in the kitchen, but that program just irks the hell out of me.'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Likes: $2.

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Look At Me I'm Still Wearing Shorts.

The Mainstream

Ballet School - Ring For Attention.

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"No, it hasn't anything to do with my presentation. But wait until you see how I hold everyone's attention with it sitting next to me at the podium."

"These cartoons are insulting! I don't like it at all! I would never watch something that shows Latinos like this!"

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"What's the cheapest thing we can order and still get a box?"

'Seriously folks...'

The universe that has me at the center of it is my kind of universe!

Mentioning 'Sex'

'Boy that Donna BUGS me! Every party she goes to, she ALWAYS has to make a grand entrance!'

"It's not for you, it's for the paparazzi."

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

As Seen On TV

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"Let's go someplace else. There are no paparazzi here."

"Yes, we see you, Tom... but could you hold your comments until the end of the meeting?"

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'No matter how carefully I surf the Internet, I always get too much information.'

"All the world's gotta do is look at me once, and I'll tap dance until I die."

'The rozzer in the dorp had never seen a quod.'

'If I never get my 15 minutes of fame, I at least want a giant cutout face of myself.'