Attendance Analyst Gifts

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

'We've been looking into absences at our meetings and it turns out that Nigel died in 2006 and Trevor never actually worked here!'

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'Your attention span is not very long.'

"Remind me, Simpkins. Did I fire you or not?"

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

"Who do I hold accountable if you miss the deadline? Any next of kin?"

"Are you listening to me?"

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

"Today the American public at long last O.D.'d on Pee-wee Herman, briefly settled its attention on Bruce Willis, then finally decided to embrace an all-new, revitalized, state-of-the-art Richard Nixon."

"Maybe we're taking the wrong approach to traffic data gathering..."

'After being on my site all day, it's nice to see some traffic.'

'I was replaced at work by some guy who smuggled himself in on a banana boat,'

Crowd Funding Toll Booth.

'Drivers with very short attention spans this lane only' 'I said THIS lane only!'

"Oh, is that what we're calling your occasional effort now? 'Teamwork'?"

"There, that's better" - customer focus.

"Well your client feedback is very positive, 90% judged you excellent,5% exceptionally good and the remaining 5% want to have your children."

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

'You have been cutting classes all term. I'm going to issue a computer tracking number to you, so I can know your location.'

'Here, we never treat you like a number. Please take a number.'

Right lane must be from out of town.

Snake Traffic Jam

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

Avoidance Behaviour.