Attendance Analyst Gifts

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"I wanted to talk to the boss about the alarming sick leave level but ten minutes ago he called in sick..."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"Do you think we should look again at who we invite to these meetings?"

I read on Candorville.com that was rank 29,705th in the world when it comes to attention spans. What? Aren't there only 196 countries? The article didn't just include human countries. It included the various animal kingdoms and the plant republics. Did you know that Americans have an eight-second attention span ... but the goldfish who live in little Lionel Brown's aquarium kingdom at 1492 MLK Way in Candorville have a nine-second attention span? Are you sure you weren't reading a humor column?

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

'We've been looking into absences at our meetings and it turns out that Nigel died in 2006 and Trevor never actually worked here!'

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'Your attention span is not very long.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

"Remind me, Simpkins. Did I fire you or not?"

" ... and here's where you took vacation."

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

"Who do I hold accountable if you miss the deadline? Any next of kin?"

"Are you listening to me?"

'This note from your teacher says you're doing great for a six year old. Doesn't she know you're fifteen?'

"Today the American public at long last O.D.'d on Pee-wee Herman, briefly settled its attention on Bruce Willis, then finally decided to embrace an all-new, revitalized, state-of-the-art Richard Nixon."

"Maybe we're taking the wrong approach to traffic data gathering..."

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

'After being on my site all day, it's nice to see some traffic.'

"Oh, is that what we're calling your occasional effort now? 'Teamwork'?"

'Drivers with very short attention spans this lane only' 'I said THIS lane only!'

Crowd Funding Toll Booth.

'I was replaced at work by some guy who smuggled himself in on a banana boat,'

"There, that's better" - customer focus.

"Well your client feedback is very positive, 90% judged you excellent,5% exceptionally good and the remaining 5% want to have your children."

"No, son, I don't know what decisions will be made about your social security. Good night."

'You have been cutting classes all term. I'm going to issue a computer tracking number to you, so I can know your location.'

'Here, we never treat you like a number. Please take a number.'

"I wish I knew. We've been working on it for years, but every time we think we're finished, the designers tell us it has to be shorter!"

Avoidance Behaviour.