Attendance Advocate Gifts

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Staff Yearbook

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

Becoming The Good Boy They Say You Are

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

"It's running five minutes fast."

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

Gold versus Knowledge

"I'm leaving a little early as I wasn't in quite so late this morning."

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

Good writing is good thinking

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

'Education is very important. Let's go buy three liters of books so we can learn!'

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?

Global Education

'Kids, you can all do it! Latest scientific research shows that you're smarter than previously believed.'

'There's more than one kind of deficit.'