Assembly Wizard Pillows

"Step 1: Find Someone Who Knows How To Read Instructions, Dave."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"We only got six days of funding."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Lovely dovetail."

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

Deadline

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

". . . so, all I really need to do is change one word."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Gerald Ratner's return

Caution: use only under child supervison

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

'When I registered for this class, in computer programming, nobody told me that it's all about converting caffeine into computer code.'

'Here comes the 64-bit local bus.'

Tech support...can I help you!

Sports Radio in Crisis

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

'I think I set the security level, on my anti virus software, too high. Whenever I access anything it is automatically deleted.'

'No wonder it was so hard to assemble. I thought it was supposed to be a basketball hoop, not a weapon of mass destruction.'

The imagery attacks the compalcency of the casual web surfer and uses a visual cacophony of discordant images to excite and enthusethe casual visitor...

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'