Aspiring Pro Athlete Gifts

"I'm guessing you want to be a pro athlete when you grow up."

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Exercising

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Currently Boston

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

The Amateur Golfer

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

Professional football.

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

"Amazing! It's a new world record folks!"

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

"Did Yogi Berra ever say anything besides 'It ain't over till it's over'?"

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

The Off-Season

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'