Aspiring Dunker Gifts

'When do I learn to slamdunk?'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

"I love fast break business success."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Midnight Basketball

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

Not The Real Me

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

Athletic Darwinism.

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.