Aspiring Dunker T-Shirts

'When do I learn to slamdunk?'

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

"I love fast break business success."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

Midnight Basketball

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

“I’ve always wanted to learn to swim, but it’s never been more than thirty minutes since my last meal.”

Not The Real Me

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

Athletic Darwinism.