Ashes Fan Pillows

'Now then you two, you can't both be Australia - one of you has to be England!'

'...I don't like your chances!'

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Sheep In Curlers

"Heads or tails?"

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'Why can't you collect shells like the other kids?'

"Sir, our hood ornament is slowing us down."

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

Remote control car breakdown.

"What do you mean, 'Climate change is not just humbug?'"

'The only New Year's resolution he's still got intact is not to watch the England cricket team in Australia on television.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

'Why Isaac Newton kept returning to alchemy...' 'There's just no money in gravity.'

"It's just that they usually ask for their ASHES to be scattered!"

I don't care if you hate that word – I'm hangry.

'Wait a second! This fish is made out of TOFU!'

"After all these years, I'm sure of only one thing: when I heat the liquid, it boils."

"Whose great idea was the four four two formation."

"We're saved! We're saved!"

"The sign says you can swim to civilization from here, but that sounds unlikely."

"You're gonna need a bigger boater."

"Yes we need it back. The team fired you, not Sharky."

'My doctor told me to eat less fish.'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 3

England And The Ashes

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

Go Britain!

'You know what your problem is, Bob? You need to stop dreaming about cold beers and beautiful women and LIVE IN THE MOMENT!'

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

Pick A Lawyer

Restaurant Apps of the Deep

"Oh, for God's sake, Harold, please close your mouth when you chew your food! This is a fancy restaurant."

'The least of your worries in this school is a bully will take your lunch money.'