Artistic Director Gifts

"Could you tilt the Earth just a bit more away from the light?"

'Hmmmm...lower.'

"We really need a bigger stage for the ridin' off into the sunset scene."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Just be yourself."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Showbiz Awards

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

Director/Action Man toy.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Marimba

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Golfing Boss

'Smith, we need more creativity. You have to learn to think outside the box.'

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

What can I do? He says it's his thinking cap.

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"