Army Lieutenant Colonel Pillows

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'At ease, soldier.'

"But I won't bore you with the all too familiar story of a dictator's rise to absolute power,"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

"World War III? Hmm. O.K., but, remember, nobody gets hurt."

"Hack back with all you've got!"

A Rifle Competition in the North

'Does my bum look big in this?'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

'Well this is awkward.'

'You know the rules, private - no pets!'

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

'I had a good day. Raised everybody's blood pressure.'

Psychiatry patient/army officer - 'Terrorism is hell, war is hell, peace is hell, international isolation is hell, defense budgets are hell...'

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

"Hon, where's the butter?"

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

American's Funniest Invasion Strategies.

At a Country House

Banting in the Yeomanry

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.