Armchair Therapist Gifts

Drug dependence

Psychologist to secretary about wet spot: 'That's the last time I use the inner child technique!'

Licensed Therapist

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Couples' therapy

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I sometimes think you're the only one who listens to me."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

'Flight simulator'

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

"You need to stop bottling it up."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

This is Dr. Sadie, what's your question, caller? I just found out my wife got a bonus at work. But instead of buying gifts for my mother and my six brothers, she flew to Maui and sent me a photo of herself eating a seven-course meal. Stop whining. She's given you the best gift a spouse can give ... Something to hold over her head for the rest of your lives. Well ... There is that, I guess.

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."