Armchair Behaviorist Gifts

Carrot VS Stick

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"The hyenas started it."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Bears catching fish

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

What does aloof mean?

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."