Armchair Behaviorist T-Shirts

Carrot VS Stick

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

Bears catching fish

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

"You can stop pulling, you knucklehead—I took your leash off ten minutes ago."

Cat tries to reach a birdfeeder on stilts.

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I sure hope there's something good in here. I worked up quite an appetite getting past that raccoon-proof lid."