Animal Behavioralist T-Shirts

"Yeah, I heard this perfect mating call, but when I went to investigate, I was met with a guy pointing a gun at me and blowing a weird whistle!"

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

"Why do they do that?"

"Cat box"

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Will you be taking these home or chewing them right here?"

Bears catching fish

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"The hyenas started it."

"First date hairball... awkward."

Wolf trying on sheep's clothing at a retail store.

"I think the ants are mooning me again."

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

'We don't want you poking around here any more!'

'Sometimes, I wonder if Master realizes we are dogs: He always says 'good boy, good boy'...'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"It started rather well, but then, you sang two wrong notes, so that's a fail in my book. Try again at the next mating season..."