Armchair Psychologist Pillows

A therapist hides behind sandbags as a general talks of war.

"What is friendship if not constant amateurish psychoanalysis?"

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

Thief stealing a self-help book on kleptomania

'While we're on the subject of your dual personality...it would be nice if one of you would pay me once in a while.'

"Nothing's wrong, that's what's wrong."

'Your problem is that you've got a persecution complex.'

"You've always let me down in this marriage."

"You can never escape from yourself."

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

"Our collective unconscious is pretty vacant, too."

"What's the matter with our way of life? It's a very popular way of life."

'Do you think this reality TV craze is ever going to end?'

'If you are not deprived, depraved or socially inadequate...then you must be stupid.'

'I have a high maintenance ego that requires considerable massaging.'

'Your predilection to torture is a pathetic attempt to assuage your own feelings of inadequacy.'

'Like history, memory is written by winners. Then it gets mulled over in therapy by losers.'

How long have you been delusional?

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

A cup of coffee with Evelyn usually turned into unsolicited analysis.

'The 'only-child' syndrome is not a good excuse for bank robbery.'

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

'I don't know how you stand listening to people's problems all of the time, Doctor Barnes.'

"Go ask your mother ... and I'll tell you why she's wrong."

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"I've been listening, …. 'Yadda yadda yadda communication, … yadda yadda yadda separation, … yadda yadda yadda divorce'."

"There are several words I could use to describe your condition, but I'm leaning towards whiney."

Barack Obama: 'It's complicated!'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

"Up next we interview the big lottery winner, but first, let's tamp down your envy and greed by looking all the lives totally devastated by winning the lottery."

'It's nothing to be ashamed of -- Why shouldn't you have low self-esteem?'

"He doesn't have the will to fly south, but he is ambivalent about the north."

"Honey, Quick! Look At These Idiots Living Without My Opinion!"

"One side is for depression, the other is for anxiety, and if you're still confused make an appointment with the cat."

Tonight's Debate. Nature versus Nurture. You believe in heredity over environment? Yep --- I was just born that way. (Published originally on October 27, 2007.)