Armchair Monarch Gifts

'But look, Sire -- a whole lot of people have you down as their fifth choice!'

"You never take me on Royal Tours anymore."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'How about a game of cards?'

"Surprise!"

'How about a game of cards?'

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'I think they're up to something.'

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Now there's a weapon of mass destruction."

'Well, he's always been a hero to me.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

'Tommy's book reports are like no other.'

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

"Uh...I wonder if this is still a good idea."

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

King completes rubik's cube.

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

The Royal Wii.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"We're making the World a safer place for nuclear explosions."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'