Armchair Heating Strategist Gifts

Mum! I'm cold! - 'Put your jumper on then!' - 'I'm already wearing it!' - '' - 'Mum! I can't reach the thermostat!' - 'Oh, that's a shame, dear.' -

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

Turkish Democracy

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

Kim-Putin Summit

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"I got a tweet from Putin NOT to attack Iran."

Who's Dead

"If they shorten political campaigns, what will we do for entertainment?"

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

Campaign 2016

'I hibernate in a small crevice near the hot springs that stays warm all winter.'

American's Funniest Invasion Strategies.

The next drone flight

What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!

Red State Football

Development in Russia after the Soviet Union...

'My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off.'

"He passed out from apoplectic rage directed at Trump's voter fraud conspiracies."

By a Former Drone Operator

'Please - no thanks...the money, time, lives...we just hope you enjoy your new found freedom.'

"In his spare time, Milton dabbles in foreign policy."

"I attribute most of my problems in the third grade to the media."

'What's wrong, people? You wanna be sooper-dooper safe, don't you?'

"I'm starting to wish we'd never bought him that thing."

Nato