Aristocratic Lifestyle Critic T-Shirts

Marriage a la Mode - Breakfast scene.

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"You are still here."

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"Can any of us truly see ourselves?"

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Is the poodle of the house in?'

Duchess

"So what are you the earl of?"

"It's said to be haunted by the ghost of the fifth earl, who fell on hard times."

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

The Nobility Scooter

"A lifetime of illicit substance abuse, chain-smoking, excessive alcohol consumption and eating nothing but crap . . . and you have the nerve to tell me I'm dying of 'natural causes!'"

View Down Ladies' Mile

A cavalier gentleman.

A House of Lords Reform: 'Please do not take shotguns or dead game into the chamber.'

"Clyde, I can't find my pink dress anywherrrr..."

People for the Ethical Treatment of Anthrax

'This is a magnificent restaurant. Which fork should I use to comb my hair?'

'I had to report it. Based on your lifestyle, your heart attack was premeditated.'

'One day this will be someone else's.'

Obesity: Mechanical & Biological.

'Darling, I'll have my coffee in my den...'

"And on the floor is the present duchess...."

Countess

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

"Phil suddenly decided to give up everything that was bad for him-no more smoking, drinking, or junk food-and he feels absolutely terrific!"

"Where's the damn bottle-opener?" "It's his day off, sir."

Queen Elizabeth II