Aristocracy Analyst T-Shirts

"Ted's been down in the dumps since they started giving greed a bad name."

'You can just forget about the cake.'

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

"Sir, multiple people were stabbed by a terrorist in..."

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

"The Duke and Duchess of A.T. & T., the Count and Countess of Citicorp, the Earl of Exxon, and the Marchioness of Avco. The Duke of Warnaco..."

'Burke's B-list celebrities.'

Gentleman's Club Scene

"Can any of us truly see ourselves?"

'New money or old money?'

Duchess

cayetana de alba

'Is the poodle of the house in?'

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

"It's non-negotiable."

Queen

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

The Frozen Out Fox Hunter (Tobogganing)

Donald Trump

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

"So what are you the earl of?"

"Darling, a rather uncomfortable distance has developed between me and the furniture."

"I may be your page today, but someday, I hope to be the whole book."

Downtrodden Abbey

"Call me sentimental, but if I had to live my life all over again, I wouldn't change a thing."

"It's said to be haunted by the ghost of the fifth earl, who fell on hard times."

Kim Jong Un returns triumphant from his meeting with Putin - holds aloft a single potato.

'That reminds me must buy an anniversary present for Lady Caroline!!'

'Well it's a ransom, sire, but I wouldn't call it a King's Ransom...'

The Nobility Scooter

Owner: 'Why didn't you ride as I told you? Didn't I tell you to force the pace early and come away at the corner?' Jockey: 'Yes m'Lord, but I couldn't very well leave the horse behind.'

So Sympathetic

"It's Parkins, sir; we're 'aving a bit of a time below stairs."

View Down Ladies' Mile