Argument Avoider Pillows

"I heard that."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

Okay, I'll admit I was wrong. But I won't say what I was wrong about.

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

'He started it!'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"Let's just drop it, Andrew, and leave it to future historians to decide which of us was right."

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Arguing with Edna was enough to make the brain fly out of any logical man.

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

When boomerangs argue.

Election Cancelling Headphones

Mixed marriage: food fight

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"You're just mad because I found a scholar to back me up."

"To be fair, Martha, you started it."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"I need to update my cloak of invincibility."

A Heated Argument

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

'Recently my wife and I have had a row of these down the middle of the bed!'

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

Bad Knees.

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

"How dare you—in a straightjacket, no less—psychoanalyze me."

"But we have a common activity: we fight."