Blame Avoider Pillows

'Remember...first one to drop takes the rap.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"I find it best to stay out of office politics!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Before you give us your surprise test, could we have a surprise study period?'

"What flower says you're sorry without admitting wrongdoing?"

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

'What excuse do you have for a lousy shot now?'

Election Cancelling Headphones

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

"...I need some closure. Can we go ahead and spin the Wheel Of Blame?"

'I don't like to waste time. How long on average does it take a recruit to make general?'

"Delegating authority is useful. Delegating blame is essential."

"Year, pets do teach kids about responsibility. When they won't get off their butts, they know I'll be responsible."

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

'Mom, I swear it wasn't me! I didn't touch the cookies!'

"Passive-aggressive musical chairs." "You sit. I don’t deserve to" "I couldn’t possibly." "Maybe two of us could share." "Someone else go first." "I actually prefer standing."

"Don't just pin this on me. You didn't want to kill the spider either."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"So basically you are looking for books on changing everyone except yourself."

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

"It's not the mistake you make that's important. It's how you shift the blame."

"I don't like all the responsibility that comes with my new pompousness."

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"It will be all your fault."

"I'm searching my family history in hopes of finding some generational trauma or institutionalized oppression that would explain whole I'm failing all my courses."

'I'm getting a jump on my regrets so I don't have to bother with them when I'm old.'

"You just watch him Ethel. He'll sit there and say nothing, just to annoy me."

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

No more neurotic people in my life, but will I be bored